I find it awfully strange that the hardest person to love would be the one that I see everyday. Why is it so hard to show love to my brother? Well, its not that its hard to show love, it’s just that almost everything he does drives me crazy. He literally cares for nothing but girls and his computer… Honestly, if he didn’t have those two things in life, he would be nothing. I’m sorry, I am a total jerk, but I have to be honest, my brother somehow manages to carry within his lanky body all of my worst pet peeves. His love for games is ridiculous, so much so that it even surpasses mine… Maybe its because I see him so effin much. Within this tiny townhouse, there is nowhere I can just be alone and my brother and I are usually stuck for the better part of the day in the living room. I really hate seeing him when I want to be alone. Along with being a jerk, I am also selfish. I really want to be alone. I desperately need me time, but no… there sits my brother at his usual spot, talking to girls and playing retarded flash games for hours to no end. I clear my throat loudly, glare, stomp a foot, doesn’t seem to take a hint… What really gets to me is when I can’t even sleep, because of his obsession. Not only does he talk to them online, he spends hours upon hours talking on the phone during the night, keeping me awake till the early morning hours. Their conversations aren’t even interesting, so its not even fun to eavesdrop; to be honest, they’re so dull…
If there’s one thing that I might be able to take away from living with my brother, it is patience. Even then, I haven’t fully learned to be patient yet and sometimes, its so hard. I literally want to beat the living crap out of him, and it kills me that I want to do such a thing. Not only is it a sin to harbor such malicious feelings, but also I feel guilty, because my self-centeredness is so unbelievable; like a poison dissipating through water (I just feel like crap -_-). I pledged to be nicer to people and yet, why can’t I be nice to this person? I don’t even really understand what about my brother annoys me. HE IS ALWAYS AROUND… The more that I think about it, the more stress that I get. People say I’m a bad brother, I agree. I’m a terrible brother. But right now, I guess that’s just the way I am. If there’s one thing I’ve been struggling with, it is to let go of myself; more specifically putting the interests of others before mine. Well I don’t find it difficult for friends and even with my parents, its getting better, but with my brother… Oof, I’ve never had more contempt for anyone else in my entire life. I really, really dislike my brother right now. I am so sick of him. Gah, I hate myself… Why would I say such things? Cause its the truth? But still, its my duty to love my brother. I get way too much nerd rage, because of him. I need to take like a 20 year break from him. Really, really tired of seeing him.
Man, I feel like a total noob right now. I have so much pride… so many problems… I need to just let go; release all care and don’t worry. Fight for things that are worth fighting for, but know when to give up, to relinquish my crown. Why do I always end up bitterly fighting over things that don’t really matter. Maybe its cause I lack self-control. According to some of my teachers, I am lacking in this discipline XD. Even I don’t like my personality -_-, I feel so ugly right now. Why does my brother make me feel this way? What a dick ^^. Meh, change is neither fast, nor painless, but effin, it hurts way more than it needs to. I guess I have to learn to love my brother more… No matter how effin… pissed… annoyed… steamed… I get. I didn’t even know I had this much to say about such a trivial topic. At the moment I am a bad brother, what I want to achieve is nice brother status… first step, I think I’ll move my laptop to my room, but then I won’t be able to see my dogs… I love my dogs… 
Eff this dilemma
josh
