wow… it has been quite a while since i’ve posted up anything -.- so much to update on and so much to do. good thing i have time to waste… well not really i should be studying for finals, but eh need a blogging break. let’s see my first semester of college is finally coming to a close and to say the least, i’ve learned a lot both academically and… i dunno the word for it… personal ethic life outlook schtuff?? ye, but anyhow it’s interesting to start anew outside of the proverbial nest. no family around and some freedom to work with… freedom to do w/e i want, be whoever i want to be, freedom to be free. to say the least, it’s a very liberating feeling. but along with this freedom comes reality. not to say that reality is a bad thing and in fact, perhaps reality is what i need. thus far in this broad umbrella of “reality” i have learned most about the value of friendship. when one comes to college, it becomes very apparent how deep a friendship runs. in essence one learns who will be there to look out for you and who will be apathetic to friendship and claim forgetfulness. interesting… quite interesting and sometimes demoralizing, but eh as a friend of mine would say fbgm. HAHA i’m so thankful for the friends that i do have and in the light of thanksgiving and my growing awareness of mortality (yes i’m 18 and think about aging) friends have kept me sane thus far. without them i’d probably hole up in my room and become sucked into the vortex of gaming and lose my mind in a computer program. but speaking of thanksgiving, this recent thanksgiving was quite challenging for me. the usual cheery mood was absent and for a bit i was actually quite sad QQ i know, i’m a guy (ie grow some ballocks or something) but i just can’t help it. thanksgiving this year was very hard on me. to start off the food was very limited, because my brother isn’t allowed to eat certain foods (and by certain i mean a wide variety of them) and so dinner consisted of plain very organic things -.- and to further dampen the mood my dad was working on thanksgiving and unable to join us for dinner. to say the least, i did not feel the usual spirit that accompanies such a jolly time. however this year has made me more thankful and more motivated then i’ve ever been. i want to give thanks to God for giving me a family that still cares for me and sacrifice so much to provide for someone who doesn’t deserve a penny. to start, my dogs 
they love me no matter what and i dunno i love them so much HAHA my brother… that sekkie is finally growing up to be someone and i dunno why but im proud. not in the father-son sense, but i’m proud to call him my brother. even though he makes my life completely crap sometimes, i wouldn’t ask for anyone else. last but not least my parents… my dad, being sick and all goes to work everyday and goes through everyday without an ounce of complaint. i know he wakes up early and comes home late, working for crap pay but he still goes anyways… i wish i can be more like him. i effin complain to much and perhaps that will be my new years resolution for the year. ye no more complaining just get the job done… then my mom… i dont know how she can tell me that she still loves me… really… after all the ridiculous crap i put her through, i dunno how she can even look at me. perhaps unconditional love?? speaks volumes of cliche to me, but behind every cliche there’s a little bit of truth. man… thinking back, i’ve been the most terrible son ever… haha writing this makes me want to cry, i’m so thankful for my family… not only have they let me “not die” up until now, but they’ve instilled me with powerful motivation. i know for a fact that my parents think they do not have a retirement fund, but what they don’t know is that they do. hehe i am their walking retirement fund. i will succeed in school and be the best that i can be, so i can retire them and provide for them. they deserve a break and it’s the least that i can do to repay them for the sacrifices they’ve made for me. i want to shower them with luxuries and let them live easy. sounds like quite a big dream, but i will not let this dream die. more than failing to live up to my own expectations, i dont think i can bear seeing my parents suffer anymore. i dunno it breaks my heart to see the sacrifices they make so willingly and i’ll be damned if i waste it to naught. that’s why i’m motivated. i mean sure i want to help people (inspired by a patch adams improving the quality of life; to be discussed in another entry) but right now i want to give my parents a break, because i dont think they’ve ever had one. i know they’ve lived a hard life, but hopefully they can wait a few years. hehe now that i’ve posted this, i can’t fail now. friends for my sanity, family for my motivation, Jesus for my security. hehe life is pretty good just on a random tangent, college is much easier compared to high school. effin tj screwed me for four years of my life. meh even though i’m bitter i guess i still have to be thankful for my experience there, because i must admit it has prepared me fairly well for college. gotta bring this to a close my friend is bugging me to end. for another day
josh
